Opposites
by AvocetsInFlight
Summary: ...in almost everything except height. The story of how Nnoitra Gilga and Kotetsu Isane found each other - told as a series of one-shots.
1. Desert Healer

All characters property of Tite Kubo…

**Chapter 1: Desert Healer**

.-.-.-.

It was the scent of the place that left the deepest impression in Isane's mind. Clear and sharp, like a winter day where the temperature is well below freezing, but with a slight dusty-mustiness and a tingle of reishi which caught at the back of one's nose. If empty lonesomeness had a smell, this would be it. And perhaps that's exactly what it was, since this was the fabled home of the hollows – Hueco Mundo.

Unohana-taicho had informed her on the way over that their mission in Hueco Mundo was to heal anyone that needed it, collect Kurosaki-san and his friends, and assess the general situation in the traitor's stronghold. Upon their arrival they had found and healed Yasutora-san and the battered arrancar they found near him - after a brief exchange with the leader of the Exequias – then had transferred Kurosaki-san's friend to a temporary safe location. After that Isane had gone to assist Kuchiki-taicho, bringing him, Kuchiki-san, and Hanataro back to the quasi-field hospital.

Now Kuchiki-taicho had gone to help Kurosaki-san, and Isane was left with Hanataro, Kuchiki-san, and Yasutora-san (who was still unconcious). As she carefully worked on healing the black-haired girl, she became aware of a faint reiatsu signature coming from some point not too terribly far away.

"Hanataro"

"H-hai, fukutaicho!"

"Would you please take over healing Kuchiki-san for a while? I picked up on another one in need of our assistance."

"Hai, Kotetsu-fukutaicho!"

With that, Hanataro took over, and Isane set off to find the owner of the dwindling reiatsu. It didn't take very long. Though faint, it had a distinct prickliness to it which made it easy enough to home in on. As she crested a low hill, the owner finally came into view – a tall, skinny arrancar with an odd weapon at his side. He lay in a pool of his own blood, and when Isane got closer she could see that he was almost in two pieces. Most likely she wouldn't be able to do anything for this one, but at the very least she could try to stanch the bleeding a bit and make him more comfortable.

She knelt at his side to do a quick assessment of his condition before beginning her work. A lock of jet-black hair obscured the hollow's face, and without really thinking she gently brushed it back. It was…_soft_ – silky, even – and Isane marveled at it, stroking his hair a few more times since she would likely never get another chance to touch a hollow like this. So strange, who would have thought it could be at all _nice_ to touch a hollow?

Well, enough of that. She had more important matters to tend to here, and other patients to get back to once she was done. Her scan had revealed that, as suspected, it would be no use moving him anywhere. With that knowledge in mind she used an anesthetic-type healing Kido to dull his nervous system, then cast a low-grade reiatsu-restoration Kido and patched a few of the major bits and pieces back together to make him more comfortable.

"Well, I'm afraid that's all I can really do for you arrancar-san. May you either heal quickly, or die peacefully."

With that, Isane turned and headed back to the other people under her care. She never saw the arrancar's eye crack open and watch her form receding across the sands of Hueco Mundo, then slip closed again once she was gone.

.-.-.-.

**_Another_**** story. Well, what can I say except that with some inspiration from PloverKey on dA I finally have enough ideas for these two to write a story about them. And the ideas want out.**

**So here it is, my crack!pairing of Nnoitra and Isane. Fanfiction, I bring thee…NnoiSane!**

**(Yes, yes, I know, I already touched upon this with the first chapter of "Meanwhile, Back at the…", but this is the first story entirely devoted to just these two.)**

**Enjoy, everybody. And let me know what you think. **


	2. Disoriented Delinquent

All characters property of Tite Kubo…

**Chapter 2: Disoriented Delinquent**

.-.-.-.

#$&^&*% that was some bright light! How'd shinigami not go blind lookin' at that every time they traveled from one world to another? And the *#%^%#in' creepy tunnel in between? Nnoitra would take a Garganta over that _any_ day! Nice 'n dark 'n empty 'cept for the glowing reishi path underfoot. _Obviously_ a better way of getting from one world to another.

By now Nnoitra's eye had adjusted to the light (though it was still uncomfortably bright), and the sight which met it had him instinctively reaching for Santa Teresa – which wasn't there… What the-!? %# %$ it! He remembered now that he had been somehow talked into handing it over to be kept together with everyone else's weapons. _How_ Nnoitra didn't know. He hadn't _meant_ to give up his weapon, but there had been a lot of talkin' (and a _lot_ of funny-sounding science-type words) from the shady man in the hat, and there was a fan, and the big-chested, purple-haired lady with the cat eyes had been pressin' up against his arm and sayin' something about 'Nnoitra-kun' and 'better do as Urahara-san says' and smiling in a way that made him afraid and aroused and irritated all at the same time and somewhere in there he must have given Santa Teresa to them…

Honestly, the whole thing was still kinda' fuzzy in Nnoitra's head.

All of which meant that now, with pretty well all of the current Shinigami captains and vice-captains standing in front of him, he couldn't properly take on _any_ of them because he didn't have his $ *& %#^& weapon with him! This was _really_ &*% $ &$# annoying.

There were people sayin' stuff now – "welcome", blah, blah, "stayin' here now", blah, blah; nothin' important obviously – especially now that Nnoitra had spotted _him_. There he was, towards the back of the group with that little pink creature on his shoulder again and looking bored - the big Shinigami captain who had beaten him in Hueco Mundo.

The only reason Nnoitra had agreed to come to Soul Society in the first place had been to get a rematch. And now that he had spotted his opponent he really saw no reason to wait; weapon or no, the question of which of them was the strongest needed to be settled _right now_. But, just as he was starting forward to challenge the guy Nnoitra was stopped by a gentle touch on his arm. The % #&^$...! He jerked his head around, ready to snarl at Nel for getting in his way _again_, and suddenly found himself unable to form any words at all.

Beside him, with a restraining hand still on his forearm, was the prettiest girl Nnoitra had ever seen.

She was wearing the standard shinigami uniform and the band on her left arm indicated that she was a vice-captain. Her hair was grey and short (and oh-so-soft-looking) with longer pieces hanging down to one side. And her _eyes_. Her pretty eyes stared up at him with equal parts nervousness and determination. Like she was concerned he might hurt her but was determined to do her duty regardless.

'I could never hurt her.'

The alien thought flitted through his mind and was gone again before he even realized it was there. And now she was saying something…

"…s way please, Gilga-san."

Oh. Seemed like she wanted him to follow her.

Well &#$% . He'd follow _her_ anywhere.

Still half in a daze, Nnoitra allowed her to guide him over to another person who – once he managed to tear his eyes away from the pretty girl at his side – turned out to be one of the shinigami captains. This one was a petite woman with long black hair in a braid down her front and a gentle smile which she was currently directing at _him_ – and as soon as he focused properly on her Nnoitra's instincts told him he should be very, _very_ afraid of this captain.

This day was _not_ going the way he had thought it would…

.-.-.-.

**Well geez, ****_that_**** only took eight months. -_-'**

**Anyhow, for any of you out there who still care about this fic, here's chapter two!**

**Again, your thoughts are appreciated. **


	3. Demarcation

All characters property of Tite Kubo…

**Chapter 3: Demarcation **

.-.-.-.

"Raise up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he shall not depart from it."

…

Unohana remembered reading that proverb somewhere at some point. It looked like she might get a chance to test it now.

Though by far the tallest of the espada, Nnoitra Gilga was by all accounts the most juvenile of all Aizen's remaining top servants. More than a few of the other captains had been dubious about his chances of successfully integrating into civilized society.

Even Urahara-san apparently had some reservations. After Unohana had declared her willingness to take on the task of minding the arrancar man-child, the former head of 12th squad had pulled her aside post-meeting to give her more details on what he knew of Nnoitra's history and 'potentially problematic proclivities' (as Urahara termed them…). Also, he let her know that by his personal calculations Nnoitra had the lowest chance of successful 'rehabilitation', and finished by urging Unohana not to hesitate in contacting either himself or Yoruichi-san if she needed any kind of assistance or even just needed the arrancar taken off of her hands.

All of this only made the head of 4th squad that much more interested. There were few things she enjoyed more than a good challenge, and considering her past she felt she was uniquely suited to dealing with beings like Gilga-san.

* * *

><p>Having finished glancing at the updated file on him which Urahara-san had sent her, Unohana turned her attention to the hollow himself. He was currently perched in the chair she had indicated for him when they first entered her office, his ready-for-action posture betraying his understandable unease at being trapped in enemy territory without his weapon. He was obviously trying to put on a brave face, however – scowling quite hard and looking pointedly out the window rather than at her. Unohana spiked her reiatsu slightly, and when his eye flicked over to her for a moment before going back to the scene beyond the window she knew she had his full attention.<p>

"Gilga-san. As you know, the powers that be have decided to try a new approach in dealing with you and some of the other particularly powerful hollows Aizen…modified. Of course, there are - "

"…a $^& # stupid approach…"

…

"Did you say something, Gilga-san?"

"Yeah. I said it's $^& # stupid. I dunno about any of the others, but all I want is to settle the score with that spiky-hair shinigami captain. I didn't sign up for any of this bein' friends with the enemy &%#^%. You got a problem with that?!"

By now he had turned around to fully face her – arms crossed over his chest and one eye glaring at her through the hair which had fallen over it.

Unohana regarded him quietly. "I'm not asking you to be friends with anyone, and how you choose to feel about these arrangements is also your own business. I will make no attempt to sway you into any particular way of thinking. However, you are currently under my care and supervision and that means you will follow my rules or face immediate termination."

At the conclusion of her speech, Unohana folded her hands and awaited his response. He had started back a fraction at the sight of her gentle smile and the feel of the extra bit of reiatsu she released (good to see his instincts were on point…), then he had huffed and looked petulantly out the window again.

"…fine…" he muttered quietly.

Unohana let the menace fade out of her smile. "An excellent choice, Gilga-san. For now, the rules are quite simple: first, no fighting of any kind for any reason unless I give you express permission to do so. Next, do not attempt to intimidate anyone weaker than you for your own amusement – and I will be the judge of what counts as intimidation. Finally, you are to do whatever I or Kotetsu-fukutaicho ask or tell you to do. That is all."

She paused here to give Gilga-san a chance to express his thoughts if he wanted to. The silence stretched on for a few moments, then he waved a hand in her direction. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Not like I have any other & $% %# choice right now…"

"I'm afraid it must be this way, for both your safety and everyone else's."

He scowled harder at that but said nothing more.

"As for your living arrangements, a room has been prepared for you close to my own quarters. Clothes and meals will be provided, as well as anything else you may require within reason. Kotetsu-fukutaicho will be here shortly to show you to your room then give you a tour of the premises."

Having finished laying the initial groundwork for training the most difficult of the Espada to be a functioning member of society, Unohana picked up the next report in the stack and began reading through it. A few minutes later Isane-san arrived, and after leaving the week's inventory report on her captain's desk she stepped over to Gilga-san and somewhat nervously asked him to come with her. For his part, the Espada seemed suddenly incapable of forming words when he looked at Isane – instead simply nodding his assent then getting up and following her out the door.

Unohana observed the entire exchange closely, unnoticed by the other two. Could the hollow perhaps be smitten with her vice-captain? It was too early to really say, but it looked like she would need to watch their new charge closely in this regard. An infatuation could potentially cause a lot of trouble, or it could help Gilga-san gain a new perspective on life.

For now, the captain of 4th squad would bide her time and see how things progressed.

.-.-.-.

**Hey all! A bit of a quicker update this time. Not as much interaction between our two romantic leads this time, but hope you all enjoyed it anyway. :) **

**And thank you to you guys who reviewed last chapter! It helped me get this one out quicker. **


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